Stepping into crone was never solely about the walks with Link. How could it be, crone is about wisdom, knowledge, learning. And this comes from all around. Throughout my life, I’ve learnt, from my mother, my childhood she taught me, as I became a mother myself she gently guided me and her experience past down to me, this one day will be my role as my daughter becomes a mother one day. My grandfather taught me the ways of the land, how to work the land, how to grow to produce a meal for the family, my father taught me “people” how to listen and how to be heard. Who to be weary of, how to see the truth and how to trust. Along the way, people came into my life. Some for a reason, some for a season, and some for a lifetime. But always with something to expand my knowledge, to expand me and me them. And with all of this is where I began the journey.

The thirst for knowledge grew with each walk, the more i discovered, the more i understood, and uncovered the more i needed to know.

Books became my friend, devowing what I did not know.

Folklore became reality and there I found the goddess Hecate.

She was a goddess that was older than most, she was respected by the gods. She was misunderstood, misrepresented and her power feared so the religions demonised her. Forcing her story into the shadows, the dark, her compassion hidden from the world. Instead the world saw her as the goddess of witches, of the shadows, forcing her into the underworld. They saw her as the dark of the moon. Yet her story never faulted. She speaks at the crossroads, she walks with you through the trials you face and she holds the key to unlock the doors she lights the way. She is the three faces, maiden, mother, crone.

I felt she was walking with me she had always been.

At times I questioned, am I old enough, am I allowed to step into crone, but age is just a number. Wisdom, experience and life is what takes you to the next part of your journey. I’ve not had an easy life, I’ve seen more than many, the lessons have, at times been fun, but most have seen me tested, and each time I have come back stronger, resilience is a lesson worth learning early but it comes at a cost.

And with all my journey I felt like I needed a point, a time, a place to say, enough is enough it’s time to be you, to embrace who you are and to allow your voice to be heard not through being loud but by commanding to be heard through respect. And so began the journey, pilgrimages are about just that – taking your learning and cementing it with action to give thanks to those that have guided you. So on the 3rd January I decided that I would stand at the ruins of Hecate on my 50th birthday and give thanks. And there I would take the final step into crone. Well pilgrimages were never about being easy, if they were we would all do them. My daughter would be my travel companion, this felt fitting – for I knew there would be a moment where she would be maiden, I would be mother and then I would embrace crone so all three stages would be there in that moment. And I wanted to pass to my daughter the lessons I have learnt so far. She set out to book the train, the plane, the rental car, the hotel. And I allowed her, for passing on the mantle sometimes means letting go of the control and allowing others to pick it up. Nothing was going to stop us. However our resolve was tested with the war beginning, two missiles had to be shot down as they headed to turkey, many told us not to go they feared for our safety.

Now this is where practical and faith in the universe has to work together. We watched the news, I knew people who’s family lived near where we were going they told us how safe it was, and then with the knowledge and belief that we were protected, we set off.

It became very apparent very quickly that this was going to be amazing or hard work and we were the ones to decide, like so many things in life, it was all about how we viewed it, and we chose to go with it, to enjoy every minute and lap up the feeling, the emotions, the energy and have fun. We cried with laughter. And we made sure that our short time away we made every second count.

We had a day “spare” so we went to Ephesus, we saw a place ruled by many goddesses it felt like Hecate was gifting me knowledge and wisdom in the guise of further goddesses to learn from. My path was widening, the knowledge growing. And my daughter was seeing the power of the matriarch.

Our guide was, in herself, an amazing woman. And we soon were sharing our stories and friendship. As the day was drawing to an end, one last thing was gifted, a necklace a key was handed to me and that would come to the ruins with me the next day.

A feast was waiting for us as we arrived back at the hotel so we ate.

The next morning was the day I had planned less than 3 months prior. The journey was long and windy and then it appeared, we had arrived at the ruins of Hecate.

There was no one else there, for an hour we wandered the site, we sat, we observed the birds, the wind, the trees, the bees. It was peaceful yet in the same breath it felt like the most alive place I’d ever been to.

It was then I could see quite clearly. Crone is a place within you, it’s a stage that only you can reach on your own. The years for which I had held my tongue, been quiet, and never spoken my truth, I had been quieting myself almost apologising for being me. Hecate had opened my eyes to what had always been there, she was the strength in me when I questioned myself, she was the voice when I needed to be heard, she was the woman I needed until the day, this day, when she showed me it was always me.

And now I return home, I have more to learn, that will never end, I will learn until the day I die and my body is returned to the earth.

But now I return as Crone.