Family aren’t always your tribe.

After two days away, my home in upheaval, and I feel like I’m camping, I got up and set off with Link on our walk.

Crying seems to be the thing at the moment, so with tears in my eyes off we set.

Even a couple of days away and the terrain is different, the ground softer under foot as the rain is now sinking into the earth. The fields ploughed, the final crop of grass growing well in these conditions. The weather has turned, the sun blazing down and skies blue but there’s a chill in the air, showing the season has turned.

For link two days away means all the smells are different or are they the same but he needs to check, is it his way of “landing” back at home. Either way we both take in our surroundings, are home, our place, nature.

Everything around me slows, taking me back to the flow of nature, even my tears now are slowing whilst also deepening.

What should have been, a joyous “family” wedding had made me realise how I don’t belong, where do I belong?

I saw intent work its magic once for “good” reasons, once in anger.

The joy, storm Benjamin was going to hit the family wedding, but a few weeks before I had told them about the new tradition of burying a sausage the night before, to ensure good weather, with the day set to be a wash out, they all got into the spirit, the intent, and the sausage was buried. The power of intent is, to me, the fundamental basis to witchcraft. The day was stunning the sky was blue and all around mentioned the power of the sausage, well not all. I, by my family was cast aside, the sausage had nothing to do with me, no fun, no intent, my emotions already running high, when I pull in intent, I do it with precision, and before the last photos were taken, the sky turned dark and the heavens opened, the blue sky’s never returned, a reflection of how I was feeling.

Was I right, was my anger allowed to call in the rain? I searched around me, a sign, a direction, a hand, what was the right thing, there was nothing. I’d harmed no one.

Maybe this wasn’t about the weather maybe this was to show the power of intent, how with intent you can change, alter, influence the outcome, whether your intent comes from joy, happiness or from anger the power the same, the effect of my anger was swift, instant, it was self satisfaction, is this what intended to do when stepping into crone, my power, I don’t believe so.

The last time I walked this exact path was with Max, we trusted, we worked together, different perspectives same tribe.

And now here I was on my own, struggling to know where I belong.

The crows cawed overhead breaking the stillness. The buzzard squawked above, all where breaking the silence making me notice the space I was in, the pace of nature, I belong here, sometimes the answers I search are within.

The tears kept rolling for the realisation I will always be an outsider with my family, but I have a tribe and a purpose.

It doesn’t make it any easier, there feels like a grief of losing a past but is it, has it ever really been anything other than harmful to me. My ancestors they are with me, part of my tribe.